♫Sing along Saturday!!♫

Sometime, I feel like there literally is a hole in my heart. A feeling that something is missing inside me. Try as I might to fill the hole with things, clothes, food, there is nothing that makes me feel the peace I seek.



I have Pinboards full of clothes I'll never buy, projects I'll never do, decorating ideas I'll never implement.

I have so many clothes. Too, too many clothes. What are these clothes for? Are they for a life that I wish I had? Are they for the person I wish I could be? They must be, because there are items I have that I see no use for.





Case in point.

Most of what you see in this closet.....I have never worn. I have shoes....that I will probably never wear, because I don't do heels. I have purses...but I only use maybe three.















I have more yarn and patterns than I will need. There is a term for this kind of behavior: S.A.B.L.E. (stash acquisition beyond life expectancy) I like knitting, don't get me wrong. But how many hat patterns do I need? How many scarves will I actually knit?


All of these skeins are still un-knit and they were purchased 7 years ago. This is from my former blog.


When I am out shopping, I may purchase an item. I get this almost euphoric feeling come over me, and then I want to get more, more, more. At the fabric store, the gardening supply, even the likes of the Salvation Army!!!! (The only time I don't have this feeling is when I am grocery shopping, which I loathe!) Looking at style blogs, reading catalogs, online window-shopping, will literally keep me up all night. Just this past Saturday night, before going to sleep I was looking through (of all things!) an LL BEAN catalog (stop laughing), and I literally could not sleep for dreams of red sailor shirts and khaki pants.



Even food. Sometimes, eating is just to fill a void. But, no matter what, how much, when, it will never be enough. Will never feed that hunger.







I know my husbeast wishes I would try to fill my void with sex. No such luck for him. That is a whole other ball of wax.

Thank heavens I don't collect cats, or creepy dolls, or stuff like that. I am by no means a hoarder. You have seen enough of my house to know that. I just feel like I'm chasing something.....a feeling. But what is causing this?

Is it my f**ked up relationships with my family? (mother issues. how cliche.) Is it the scars left by an alcoholic, molester step-father? Is it never having had a relationship with my birth father?

One could say, "Well, you have to be allowed to dream." Am I dreaming for this life, or planning out my next one? I have actually heard myself say, "Next time around I am going to do __________ differently."

I know there are those out there that will send me straight to church. I have tried the church route. I just end up feeling more alone. More sad. Perhaps I have not found the right church?

Perhaps I need therapy. (ding, ding, ding!!!)

I find the only times I am really, truly happy and feel that peace I seek is when I am traveling, just doing the drive arounds with the family, or like this week when I was just out communing with nature. That is when I feel peace. It is all the other time...there is just this aching I can not even describe.

W.

There is no charge for Awesomeness.....

Or attractiveness.

"If you don’t claim and own your awesome, you leave your self esteem in the hands of the kind of people who try to make you feel bad to make them feel better and that doesn’t sound like a good plan to me."

Why do we let others dictate how we feel about ourselves? Why do we give the control of our emotions and self esteem over to people who do not have our best interests at heart?

I don't want to be that person. The one who tears other's down to build myself up. I want to be the person who does this...



How much better would this world be, if every person left a note like this for 10 people? And those 10 people, passed it on to ten more.

W. :)

The week in review.....

I have been very lax in posting this week. Mostly, because I have been busy actually living instead of writing about living. Which, I think, is so much better, don't you?

So, last Friday, the husbeast and I did go to see "The Artist" at the Kentucky Theater. It really was a perfect setting to see the film. We go there just as the lights were going down. We both really enjoyed it. It really made me long for a more innocent time in media altogether.



Saturday, the kiddo and I went downtown to go on a walkabout. We parked the car and walked all around Main Street and the streets and avenues surrounding. It was a gorgeous sunny day. The flowers are blooming all over. Just perfect.











We finished off the day at the softball game. It was a sad day for the Wildcats, getting mercied out in 5 innings by Alabama. But, it was a beautiful day for a game, and my son actually showed some interest in a sport!!!

Sunday, the kiddo and I went on a driving adventure to the south east. Our pick for the road to travel was Richmond Road. We ended up in Boonesboro. We tried to see the fort, but it does not open until April. (A lot of things open then.....I am looking forward to that!) So, we went exploring past the park, and came across some old abandoned properties and a little grave yard. All the graves are from the 1800's. Most of them were of women and children







The last grave was of a brother and sister that passed exactly two months apart. I can't even imagine that sadness. The cemetery is small, but I don't think it is necessarily a family cemetery, as most of the surnames are different. Having worked in the hospital for a while now, I see how many of these families are old to Kentucky. Many of the same last names still common today in this area.

Monday was for oh so exciting laundry and housekeeping. Sorry, no pictures of that.

Tuesday, the husbeast and I decided to go off on a driving adventure of our own. We picked Nicholasville Road. We headed all the way out to Garrard County, where we found a little tiny road leading away from the highway. Of course, that would be the road to take. We came across a little sign that said "Hidden Hills" with a road leading down toward a creek. Unfortunately, 1) we were in my little Echo instead of the husbeast's truck, and 2) I was wearing Chucks instead of proper hiking shoes. That meant we could not drive over the portion of the road that was under about 4 inches of water, and I kept slipping on the rocks in the water. Still it was so beautiful and peaceful there. The creek flowed near some houses. I can only imagine how awesome it must be to have that as the soundscape of life. We actually passed by a man just sitting by the creek, looking out over it. Willie said, "I wonder what he is thinking there." I said, "How lucky am I not to need a silly machine to give me what nature provides perfectly."










From there, we drove back towards Lexington, passing Camp Nelson. On the left we saw these huge, asylum like looking buildings. We passed as historical marker saying something about conditions at a refugee camp, so we thought the buildings were somehow related to a refugee camp. Yeah, it wasn't. It was this.


From the Franklin Funtimes Guide

You could just smell the alcohol fumes wafting through the air. However, we did find some remnants of the refugee camp. Namely, a school for the former slaves.



There is also a Freedom Trail and the remains of what was a state of the art water treatment facility.

Then we drove around enjoying the area, before heading home. We typically don't think we would like living in the country country, but this area made us reconsider.



Wednesday, I went for a morning hike at my old favorite, Raven Run. It was another glorious day, and I wanted to make good use of my morning before I had to go to work. Many wildflowers are blooming. And water that was frozen in the limestone is melting and making its way out through the streams toward the river.











It was so nice to just spend the day out in the sunshine, listening to the water flow, the wind in the trees and the birdsong.

I really do love it here.

W. :)

March Photo A Day Challenge

Wow am I ever late in getting this thing going. I have been taking my photos but have not had the chance to post any. So here goes, half a month at one time.



The March Photo A Day Challenge brought to you by Fat Mum Slim.

Day 1: UP



This is the ceiling of the Kentucky Theater, near the concession stand.

















Day 2: Fruit







The exotic fruits selection at the local Kroger. Funny, these seems so expensive here. This is like everyday staples in Miami.















Day 3: My Neighborhood




Not exactly my neighborhood. But, it was either "borrow" someone else's neighborhood, or get a picture of the back of a Best Buy.














Day 4: Bedside


My bedside is my dresser. I love this dresser. It is vintage, from the 60's, solid wood, and cost all of $15.00. On it: two books (The Happiness Project and About A Boy), a local guide to events from the chamber of commerce, a local map, a statue of a mouse sitting on cheese reading a book, a Buddha, a photo of my grandmother in her nursing uniform, my wedding photo, hand lotion, eye drops, Marc Jacobs Daisy, two journals, and my clock.


Oh, and check out my new rain boots. And those are magazines under it.












Day 5: A smile



For this one you get two smiles, courtesy of me and the Kiddo.




















Day 6: 5:00 PM


This would be the exact moment the Kiddo got killed in Skyrim. I rented it for him, and he is now in love. He says it is his new Zelda.


























Day 7: Something I Wore



This is what I wore to go to see "The Artist" with the husbeast. He did go with me, after all. It was a great time.



















Day 8: Window



This particular prompt was a fun one. Looking for a good window had me taking photos all over downtown. But, it was when we were on our way home, that I looked over and saw this, that I totally had to make a u-turn to get this photo.




Yes, that is Zack Galifinakis in the window.















Day 9: Red





And old red building, near downtown. I love the color of this building.





















Day 10: Loud


This may be a little bit posed, but I can't think of anything louder than when the husbeast loses for the umpteenth time at Zuma. He has been stuck on the last level for months & months. And he yells at it so frequently, my dog comes running to me whenever she hears him turn on the computer.















Day 11: Someone I spoke with today




This is my aunt, Glo. She is in Miami. I miss her so, so much.






















Day 12: Fork



That's Mister Fork to you.
























Day13: A Sign




Yesterday the husbeast and I went on a solo driving adventure. We came upon a little side road that meandered down next to a creek. This was the sign that was there. There will be other photos to follow about this place.















Day 14: Clouds



This was from this morning's sky. I am loving this weather. This weather is like March in Miami. So, I can only imagine what Miami must be like right now.








There, all caught up.

W. :)